My son Chandler shares his opinion on the new Facebook changes.
(Source: bestnatesmithevers)
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Nate Smith is an improvisational comedian, a husband, and a father. He's not sure which is hardest. Learn more about Nate Smith at bestnatesmithever.com
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My son Chandler shares his opinion on the new Facebook changes.
(Source: bestnatesmithevers)
I’ve got a beef with a lot you people out there. Usually I’m pretty happy go lucky here. I don’t use my angry voice very much. But I’ve really had it with you people.
Chandler is really close to crawling. He can roll over in his sleep (that’s not just a figure of speech. He sometimes does that) and then he gets up on his hands and knees and he is oh so close to being mobile. I for one think this is great. I am so excited for him.
But there are a lot of Negative Nancys and Donald Downers out there who want to hold my child back. They say things like, “Are you sure you want Chandler to be able to crawl already?” Or they say, “Oh man, once he can crawl you better look out!” Or even, “You have to learn to crawl before you learn to walk.” Okay, that last one is not so bad.
The point is I keep running into people who seem to think I should sabotage my child’s progress. And for what? So that I don’t have to work as hard as a parent.
LAZY!
It is this kind of lazy parenting that is ruining our society. We can’t be bothered to play catch with our son for a few minutes after work so he never learns to throw. Or we don’t take an interest in our daughter’s dance routine and then one day it involves a pole. Or we just need to run in to the grocery store real quick and don’t want to worry about taking little Billy out of the car seat and then…(gulp)
I hate this “do as little as possible” mentality we take with our children. Yeah, I realize that even when we do as little as possible with our children they are still A LOT of friggin’ work. But that’s why I’ve decided to do even more. I don’t hope he takes longer to crawl just so he’ll be easier to handle. I am busting my ass to get him to be so amazing that I couldn’t stop him if I wanted to. I’m not just encouraging him to crawl. I’m training him.
Now before you start to think, “Man this guy really thinks highly of himself,” just stop right there. I don’t think I’m a great dad. I bump my kid’s head at least three times a day. I turn on bloody action flicks and love it when he stares at them with a dazed look in his eye. I let him struggle and cry on the floor while I check Facebook way longer than I should and chalk it up to “making him tougher.” And someday soon I’ll be sneaking Mt. Dew into his sippy cup.
I’m not the perfect dad. In fact my parenting career can be compared to my career as a basketball player. I had almost no skills but I made up for it with hustle. But if you ask me, that’s the most important thing a dad can do. Hustle. Don’t be lazy. And someday very soon my kid will be crawling circles around your kid.
It seems these days that everyone has a website. I know that exclamation might sound cliche and a year ago people were saying that all the time. But now more than before I think literally everyone on earth has a website. I saw a Florida license plate today that had “myflorida.com” displayed across the top. I can only assume that site is just a listing of retirement homes and retail locations where Werthers Original Caramels can be purchased. Yesterday at the mall I saw an advertisement for a hospital which said, “Check our twitter status for updates on ER wait times.” How long is it before we start seeing tweets like, “I’m bleeding to death! :( RT @ProvidenceHospital ER wait time is currently 2 hours.”
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against the digitalization of humanity. On the contrary, I’m a firm believer that “we are not material, we are digital.” But as I see all these entities with their own websites and Facebook or Twitter accounts I am having a frightening realization. My son doesn’t have a web presence!
Four months into the game and he still has no digital footprint. Sure, I’m writing all about him and showing him off to the world through my own sites. But he hasn’t had a chance to express his own voice. Chandler has to get himself out there and show the world wide web what he can bring to the table. Maybe in the early years of the 2000’s it would have been okay for him to slide by without creating his own digital domain. But this is 2010 and if you don’t have a bevvy of social network profiles filled out in pristine detail, as well as at least one URL you can call your own, well then you’re a downright hermit. It won’t be long before birth certificates have a line right next to “home address” for “homepage.”
So what form will Chandler’s online persona take? He’ll of course need to be signed up for all the usuals. Facebook. Twitter. Linkedin. And he’s been having trouble getting out into the dating scene, so let’s sign him up for E-Harmony while we’re at it. But how will Chandler present himself to the online community? Whenever I endeavor to create a website for myself or a group of any sort I ask myself the following question.
What would be the digital version of (fill in the blank)?
In this instance, what would be the digital version of a 4 month old baby named Chandler Smith? If I could create a website that drooled on your keyboard everytime you went to it, I think that would be the perfect representation. But what other qualities would Chandler’s website have?
Well for starters it would only be online for about an hour at a time and then it will be down for about 30 minutes to an hour. There will be no set schedule but a semi-regular routine. Also, much like Chandler lacks full control of his hands and feet, the site will have no control of its links. Clicking on one might take you the intended page, but it also might result in being “dropped” from the website altogether.
The website will also have to have many different moods. Often the site will be very needy and require you to continuously click the page to keep it up and running. Other times it will sit there completely content and not require your attention whatsoever. These moments will be fleeting.
And of course the site will constantly be running at a slow “crawl.” (Rimshot please)
I’ll have to give this project some thought and maybe sometime soon you’ll see Chandler’s foray into the digital world.
Does your baby has his/her own website yet? Share it with me in the comments section.
I only spent a few months in 2009 as a father. That year is gone now. It is now 2010. Twenty Ten. The future, folks. And one can only imagine what the future will hold for us father figures. But if imagining is all I can do then I might as well do it.
I assume that this year will be a magical year of technological enhancements in the world of parenting. I expect to see things like holographic babysitters, hover strollers, and an iPhone app that acts like a remote control for your child. I’ve got high hopes for what the men and women of the tech world can bring to us this year.
Now, some people will say that technology only makes us more distant from each other. They would complain that disciplining your child by tweeting “@ChandlerSmith Go to your room!” would show a certain amount of disconnect. But I love technology. I love technology because by definition technology exists to improve our lives.
–noun1.the branch of knowledge that deals with the creation and use of technical means and their interrelation with life…
I found that definition at dictionary.reference.com. I googled for it. It took me all of 10 seconds and I didn’t have to leave my desk to grab a book off a shelf and flip through all sorts of pages to find what I was looking for. In fact, I didn’t even have to move my arms from the position they were in. My work flow was in no way interrupted. Thank you technology.
Of course, I could easily let technology turn me into someone who never leaves his desk and grows horribly out of shape and utterly useless when he’s anywhere other than in front of his computer. And that is what the naysayers will harp on. But I have an answer for that argument.
Technology CAN lead us to lazy undisciplined lives. What technology CAN’T do is control how we live. We make our choices. People who argue that technology is making us more distant and less connected are the same type of people who blame McDonald’s for our children being obese. I ate fast food and consumed obscene amounts of candy, twinkies, and Mt. Dew all throughout my childhood. I still do. I also played sports every day of my childhood and now that I no longer have organized teams to play on I work out at home every day. You might say, “Oh so you didn’t play a lot of video games, because that’s what the real problem is. Those dang video games.” No, I played video games then and I play even more now.
The point is while I choose to indulge in less than healthy eating habits I also counter balance that choice by working out.
Technology is the same. I can get all wrapped up in Twitter and Facebook without becoming completely disconnected from those around me. I can choose to focus on the people in the room with me. Then when I’m by myself I can use social networking sites to connect with people I don’t see as often in person.
Or I don’t have to do any of that. It’s my choice. I’m in control of the technology. Hopefully technology will help me stay in control of my son.
