Where have all the Daycare Cowboys Gone?

Okay, today’s post is joining in on a blogversation going on between Me Turned Mom and The Daddy Complex. The topic: Men in the childcare industry.  Me Turned Mom started the conversation when she was taken aback by seeing a male working at a day care center. She realized she never sees men working in childcare and wondered why not. The Daddy Complex entered the ring when Me Turned Mom posed the question on his blog of whether or not he’d be willing to turn his kids over to a “manny.” He quipped that men are comedically ill-equipped to handle children, even though he himself is doing an astounding job running his own little two-child daycare at home with his own twins.

I wanted to weigh in on this topic because I myself am a man male and I have worked in the childcare industry. Years ago, as I stumbled through a few random jobs, I worked for a small charter school for kids in pre-school through 3rd grade. I worked as a PE teacher for the 1st-3rd graders (PANDEMONIUM!) and also worked in the before/after school daycare.

Before doing this I had spent several years working as a camp counselor for various age groups. I like working with kids. Mainly because I like doing the same things kids like to do. Running around, playing games, drawing dragons, and throwing ridiculous tantrums. So I’ve always been good at connecting with kids. Also, because my parents were coaches, and I grew up watching them coach and mentor kids (including my sister and I), I really enjoy doing that too.

So you’d think I was pretty well equipped for a job in daycare and you’d think my gender wouldn’t really have any bearing on that. But I very distinctly remember a moment when one of the mothers of the children at this charter school was meeting me. The conversation went something like this:

Mother: So is one of your kids a student at this school?

Me: Nope. I don’t have kids.

Mother: ……………….

There was then an awkward silence and I watched as the mother’s eyes zoomed around the room as she tried to figure out how to handle this apparently dangerous situation.

It was really weird. I really didn’t think my gender was going to be an issue. But it very clearly was. Which was funny to me, because I watched this lady with her kid, and I will boldly say even at that time before I ever had a child of my own, I was a WAY better parent than she was. That kid had clearly never heard the word “No” before meeting me. And he heard it a lot after meeting me.

There is of course the whole “child molester” argument to consider. But really, any accredited daycare establishment you go to should be trustworthy enough that they have vetted all of their employees already. If you don’t trust the daycare establisment enough to have made sure they aren’t hiring child molestors, then you shouldn’t be leaving your kids there, right?

But there is another angle to consider too. Mothers and Fathers care for their children differently. Moms are usually more nurturing (Roseanne is the exception to the rule), while Dads are usually a little tougher on their kids. As soon as a baby starts to cry, a mom will jump to soothe the child. Fathers on the other hand, might let the tears ride for a little while.

I’m not saying I ever make my son cry. But when he does cry I listen closely to determine what is really going on. There are certainly times when I quickly pick him up and cuddle him and do everything in my power to make him happy again. But there are other times when I call him on his BS and don’t give him an inch. He’s crying because he’s mad that we didn’t let him chew on the computer. Sorry bud, as the song says, “You can’t always get what you want.”

A lot of Moms don’t want to leave their baby with a daycare attendant who is going to let their kid cry for more than a few seconds. In fact, most moms don’t want to leave their baby at daycare at all. But when life and career forces them to they want to leave their baby with someone they can relate to, and most moms just don’t relate to dudes. Funny how that works out.