Til Death Dew us Part?

This week I received a very nice email from an IF fan named Amanda. She started out by saying some very nice things about my blog which always makes my day. She mentioned that her husband occasionally reads IF over her shoulder on account of all the Mt Dew and ninja baby references.

But then she took it one step further by looking out for my health. She said:

“I came across this website and thought you would be interested:

http://www.energyfiend.com/death-by-caffeine You can type in your weight and drink of choice and see how many it would take to kill you, after consuming them in one sitting. Fortunately for my hubby he can safely drink up to 167 Mountain Dews before going into what I can only assume would be a diabetic coma.

Hopefully this information will keep you safe as you continue to do the Dew.”

Thank you so much Amanda! First of all, thank your Hubby for occasionally reading IF over your shoulder. I’ll be sure to throw in some more “Mt Dew drinking, Ninja Baby” content to keep him enticed. Secondly, tell your Hubby “IN YOUR FACE!” for me. I went to that website and entered my weight and chose Mt Dew. You know how much Mt. Dew I can drink in one sitting before my head pops off like a Mentos shooting out of a Diet Pepsi bottle? 215! That’s right! I win! And yes, EVERYTHING is a competition. I once won a “see who can go the longest without competing” competition.

I would also like to say that I have reverse engineered the results on the site to figure out that Amanda’s husband weighs 135 pounds, and is very possibly a Jockey. A really cool Jockey…with mad ninja skills.

I have to be honest though. I’m not sure this site is going to keep me as safe as you were hoping. Because you see, I look at that 215 Can limit and I take it as a challenge. You can’t tell me how many cans of Dew I’m capable of drinking. You can’t tell me how fast I can drive on the highway! You can’t tell me how many legs I have! Now every time I pick up a can of Dew, all I can think is “214 left.” That number is haunting me! But it’s not just me. Chandler wanted to know his limits too. I have to say, even I felt a little creepy plugging in my child’s weight to figure out how much Dew it would take to kill my baby. But here are the results.

The only thing worse than killing your baby by filling him up with Mt Dew, is filling him up with Mt Dew and then shaking him. It get’s….Fizzy. I don’t want to get too morbid, but I just did a dead baby joke, so I guess I’m already there. I would never ever consider offing myself, but I’ve often said the only way I would kick my own bucket is if I had the ability to physically pull my own head off. Can you imagine the response that would get if you did that in front of a crowd of people? But now I think I have a plan B. I have to say, death by Dew would be a really tasty way to go. But don’t worry. I never missed a day of school. I’ve never missed a day of work. And I don’t plan on missing a day of life. There’s a lot of Dew still out there.