Improvising Mother’s Day
Sunday was Mother’s Day. Did you know that? I certainly DID. And I was TOTALLY prepared for this. I mean after all, I’m told it is the second biggest holiday of the year. That just doesn’t sound right to me. I’m pretty sure Groundhog’s Day is the second biggest holiday of the year. I mean…does Bill Murray star in a movie about Mother’s Day? I don’t think so.
So I was prepared for Mother’s Day. But Chandler wasn’t. He had no idea it was a holiday. I guess I can’t blame him. He’s new here. But I’ve come to expect a lot more from him.
On Sunday I took care of Chandler during the day while my wife and her mother went to see the movie “Babies” a documentary about 4 babies from different parts of the world. Apparently Chandler just isn’t doing it for them anymore. So I was babysitting while they were baby watching. That was my Mother’s Day gift to both of them. That’s all I have to do, right? Of course not.
As usual, I had not made any plans or purchases for this event, because I’m an improviser, right? No. I’m an idiot. But as my wife and her mother pulled out of the driveway I leapt to action and strapped Chandler into his car seat. Let the games begin.
The day before Mother’s Day I had no idea what to get for Ashley. We had decided that our Mother’s/Father’s Day gifts to each other should be gifts for Chandler that involve the respective parent. For example, if Ashley knows what she’s doing, she will get Chandler and I full body Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle outfits with authentic ninja weapons. Just sayin’. But I had no idea what to get for Ashley. We had a conversation that went something like this:
Ashley: Just get something for Chandler that is related to something I like to do.
Bad Husband: What do you like to do?
Ashley: I don’t know.
Bad Husband: Exactly! How am I supposed to know what you like to do if you don’t even know what you like to do?
Needless to say that conversation didn’t end in my favor. But after some actual thinking on my own (such a painful process) I had an idea of what Ashley would want. I decided to go to one of her favorite stores, The Lakeshore Learning Center, and find a fun arts and crafts project for her and Chandler to do together.
The morning of Mother’s Day rolled around and I had my plan. I was going to go to the store while Ashley was at the movie. This wasn’t an amazing gift idea, but at this point I was just happy to get on the scoreboard. We started our day by going to church, and then after lunch, we went to Gymboree. One of the toys Chandler is most intrigued by at Gymboree class is the wiffle balls. He loves playing with them. In the lobby of Gymboree they sell Gymboree brand wiffle balls, $8 for 3. Not a great deal. At the end of class Ashley was noticing them and pointed out that we could probably find a bucket of wiffle balls for a much better deal. And that’s when I did something I almost never do. I LISTENED. I very casually nodded in agreement, but inside my head was spinning with ideas. It probably didn’t look as casual as I would have hoped. It probably looked like I was watching a fly buzz around in front of my face. But I did my best to play it cool.
Now as Ashley and her mom left for the movie, a real plan was coming to fruition. With Chandler strapped in and ready to go, I headed to my first stop, the Lakeshore Learning Center. The idea of an arts and crafts project for Chandler and Ashley was good in theory, but the problem is Chandler really is too young to appreciate it, or to live up to mommy’s stringent artistic standards (seriously, I’ve seen her give 2nd graders guilt trips for coloring outside the lines). As I wandered through the store with Chandler tucked under one arm, I came across something better than an arts and crafts project. Storytelling Glove! It’s a glove that you stick little story characters to so you can illustrate classic stories like “The Three Little Pigs” in an interactive manner.
It’s a cute idea in theory, and I look forward to seeing how it goes. I have a feeling it is going to result in Chandler reaching out, grabbing a poor unsuspecting Little Piggy, and putting him in his mouth. But that’s par for the course.
While I was looking for that gift, I stumbled upon my absolute favorite children’s book, Harold and the Purple Crayon. When I was a kid, right around the same time I became interested in writing, I became interested in drawing, and I think Harold and the Purple Crayon was the main reason for that. So I bought this book on sight and decided it would make a nice extra gift in this Mother’s Day set.
Sidenote: My second favorite children’s book was “Mein Kampf, Your Kampf: Who wants to take a train ride?”
So I had the main gift, and even a side gift. Now I needed the piece that would wrap the whole thing together. A bucket of wiffle balls. Unfortunately the Learning Center didn’t have any. So I strapped Chandler back into his car seat and I headed to Dick’s Sporting Goods.
”SPECIAL TRIP!” This is what I yell (it’s not really yelling…exclaim?) in my most cheerful and high pitched voice every time we put Chandler in his car seat to trick him into thinking what we are putting him through is fun. It seems to work. Either that or he just doesn’t mind being in his car seat anymore and I still really love yelling.
Dick’s Sporting Goods had wiffle balls, but they did not come in a bucket. That’s okay, I bought 24 wiffle balls and I was on my way to Home Depot to buy a bucket.
”SPECIAL TRIP!”
I hauled Chandler in to Home Depot in one arm and 5 minutes later I carried him out of there in a brand new bucket. Ashley had also specifically told me I should get her a Bluetooth speakerphone system for her car. So next I headed over to the Apple Store.
”SPECIAL TRIP!”
I got into the Bridgeport Village Apple Store (the best trained Apple employees in the company) and got what I needed and was on my way home.
”SPECIAL TRIP!”
Once I got home I quickly put Chandler down for a nap. He may or may not have been more than an hour overdue. That being said, he was an awesome trooper the entire time.
Okay, I had all the pieces to the puzzle. It was time to put them all together. I put the wiffle balls into the bucket and then placed the story hand gift, Harold and the Purple Crayon, and the Bluetooth speakerphone set on top of the wiffle balls. Instead of individually wrapping everything, I used the bucket as my wrapping and then took some wrapping paper and crudely covered the top in a way that was either artistic or just plain sloppy.
Next I needed to decorate the bucket. Time was of the essence so a quick sharpie job was going to have to cut it. I wanted to label the bucket, but seeing as how it was a bucket full of balls that belonged to Chandler, I couldn’t be too literal. “Chandler’s Balls” just didn’t seem like something that should be prominently displayed on anything in our house…or anywhere. So I came up with something slightly more creative. All you Portland Trailblazer fans will appreciate this. I called it, “Chandler’s Bust-A-Bucket.”
The Bust-A-Bucket and the rest of the Mother’s Day gift pack were presented at a family dinner with the in-laws, and I won major points from everyone. Ashley couldn’t figure out how or when I had gotten it all done. I’d like to say the moral of the story is that the best gifts come from improvisation, but I’ve already started planning for next year to make sure this doesn’t happen again.
