Best way to carry a lot of quarters

Every once in a while I check my Google Analytics to see how I’m doing. By “every once in a while” I mean every 10 minutes. I get pretty excited when I see that someone has visited my site because that shows me that I’m not wasting my time. And I’m always interested to know how people have found Improvising Fatherhood.

I have been getting the word out there about IF in a lot of different ways. I’ve got the standard Facebook and Twitter accounts. And I’ve got a google ads account so that my ad shows up on other sites similar to mine. I also stand outside of Mattress stores with a big sign on a stick and twirl it around as people drive by.

Sometimes people find IF just by Googling it. I like to check and see what search terms people are using when they find my site. They’re usually terms you’d expect like, “improvising fatherhood” (if they don’t find me with that search term I’m in trouble), “funniest father of all time” (okay, that is the search term I use and I scroll through all the results to find IF so that eventually IF will be at the top of that search), and “borderline child abuse.” But sometimes the search terms used to find your site will surprise you. And that’s what today’s post is about.

The other day I was checking Google Analytics and one of the search terms was “best way to carry a lot of quarters.” I wanted to see exactly what kind of results this googler stumbled on to and which result led them to IF. So I Googled “best way to carry a lot of quarters” and unfortunately I was not able able to find any results that linked to IF.

Here is the 30th page of results. Still nothing. I don’t know what this guy was looking for but if he went further than 30 pages and then found something on IF that met his needs, to be quite honest I’m kind of worried.

It occurred to me that maybe whatever the googler (that sort of sounds like a super villain who blackmails you by googling you and using incriminating photos of you) found is simply no longer showing up I’m Google’s search results. So I used the search feature on my site and searched “quarters.” And look what I found! An old post titled “Sorry Chandler, I don’t carry quarters.”
Let me get this straight. A guy searched for the BEST way to carry a lot of quarters and he ended up clicking on a post titled “I DON’T carry quarters”? Well, I am always trying to make sure my readers are satisfied with what they find here at IF. So I want to write a post about the very BEST way to carry a lot of quarters. Even though I previously wrote a post in which I swore of carrying quarters, I still think I have the answer to this man’s problem. What’s the best way to carry a lot of quarters?

Fanny Pack.

I know what you’re thinking. “What if I have way more quarters than one fanny pack could carry?”

Four Fanny Packs.

That’s right. One on your front. One on right hip. One on your left hip. And one on your actual fanny. And don’t worry, they come in neon colors. Are you concerned that all those quarters strapped to your fanny will really weigh you down? I have the solution.

Hover Fanny Packs.

They will hover just enough to make your massive horde of quarters feel totally weightless. And yes, they still come in neon colors.

Well I think my work here is done. Have a great day and enjoy carrying all the quarters you can find. And beware of The Googler! He’s out there and he knows your weaknesses because he Googled them.