I think my son is a vampire!

(Alternate title for this post: My son really bites)

It’s time for me to reach back into the old mail bag and answer another question for Father Knows Best? I was recently anonymously asked the following question:

Does he have any teeth yet? Was he super crabby while they were coming in and what tricks have you tried to sooth him?

Thank you for your question. Yes, Chandler has two teeth coming in and for the most part he is loving it. Chandler’s first two bottom teeth are making their way into the world and Chandler is adapting to his new features nicely. In fact, it has occurred to me that having teeth was Chandler’s calling in life.

Ever since he was born Chandler has loved to “bite” things. Of course until now he’s never actually had the right tools for the job. At first we just thought he was blindly searching for his beloved food source. But then as he gained stronger vision and mobility, it became pretty clear that this kid just likes to chew on things. I should clarify that he only likes to chew on inedible items. Put a plastic toy in his mouth, he’s as happy as a clam. Put some banana in his mouth and his face starts to contort like when Dr. Jekyll would transform into Mr. Hyde.

Now that he actually has some teeth, Chandler is like a new man. Baby. Man baby. He crawls around sinking his teeth into anything he can find. He particularly likes it when Mommy gives him a sip of water out of a glass. He will scrape his tooth on the glass which makes a funny sound. Mommy has since begun to worry about the possibility of the glass shattering in Chandler’s mouth, so she has switched to a plastic cup, which is not as enjoyable for Chandler.

But it’s not just inanimate objects. Chandler has gained a taste for the flesh. He dug his teeth into Mommy’s arm, and suddenly he looked like Kirsten Dunst in Interview with the Vampire saying, “I want some more!”

And it makes sense. Whenever we take Chandler out for walks he hates having the sun in his eyes and there’s always this faint sizzling sound that lasts until we get him into the shade.

So how do we satiate his lust for blood? We do what any parent would do. We give him a pacifier. But we he have plenty of wooden stakes stashed around the house in case things get out of control.