Because I SAID SO

It’s time to answer another question from the Father Knows Best? queue. Today’s question was submitted anonymously.

“Because I said so” is such an interesting phrase. As a married woman I think about the day I become a mom and would like to know, does and will that statement work for EVERY argument or should I be prepared with other backups?

Thanks for asking! So far, with my 7 month old son, the “Because I said so” argument has not been very effective. He just doesn’t seem to understand what I am saying. Believe me, I’ve tried to use it quite a bit. 

“Chandler, fall asleep. Because I said so.”

“Chandler stop crawling away from me, because I SAID SO.”

“Stop peeing while I change your diaper! BECAUSE I SAID SOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

I don’t know what it is, but he just doesn’t seem to get it. Or maybe he doesn’t respect me. It’s really annoying. 

Okay, so I don’t have much experience using reason and logic with Chandler. But as I mentioned in a previous post I have extensive experience working in an Apple Store as a trainer, mentor, and pseudo-manager. So I do have a lot of experience explaining to people younger and less seasoned than myself why they can and can not do certain things. So I’ll use that expertise to answer this question. Maybe for this particular post the blog should be titled “Managing Fatherhood”…or “Barely Managing Fatherhood.”

I have had many different managers over the years. We’ve all dealt with the different archetypes. A lot of managers, too many, fall into the category of the “tough guy” who uses gruff language and tough love to motivate his team. This is usually much less successful than they think. 

I fall into a different category. That category is “wuss.” Rather than bark commands at my employees and expect them to jump when I snap my fingers, I prefer to instill a higher level of understanding in my team. I want them to know why I am asking them to do something. I want them to agree that it is something good to do and not just do it because I said so. 

Of course there are times when as a manager you’d really love to be able to just say “do it!” and it will magically be done perfectly. We don’t always have time to explain the reasoning behind all our decisions. But whenever possible we should teach our employees/students/children the reasons behind why we do what we do. 

Ashley and I think this is really important with children, especially early on. Of course it will be a long time before Chandler will be able to understand me as I explain things to him. But as he grows up, if I give him a solid reasoning behind each of my decisions, there will be two main positive outcomes. One: he will start to make good decisions on his own using his own developed line of reasoning. Two: when you do have a quick “because I said so!” moment, he’ll trust that you have a good reason for your command and will be more likely to comply. 

So many parents resort to the “because I said so” style of parenting. This is simply a result of busy lifestyles and laziness. It’s the same reason leashes for kids exist. I’m not judging though, because it appears Chandler is going to be a handful and as soon as he can walk I’m going to need to be armed with a leash and a tranquilizer gun.

Let me re-iterate that the method I am proposing is a best case scenario method. I fully understand that we all get to a point in our day where we just need to shout “BECAUSE I SAID SO!” And I wouldn’t hold that against anybody.