A letter from Pepsi to my son
A while back Chandler sent a letter to PepsiCo offering my services as a spokesperson and pleading with them to give me a lifetime supply of Mt. Dew. His letter was very well thought out and I thought he showed great initiative in his efforts.
Well the people at Pepsi have finally responded to his letter and as it turns out…they are heartless. They’ve decided that rather than help an entrepreneurial spirit grow inside my son they should crush him and teach him that life is full of rejection. Here’s the letter.
Well thanks a lot Pepsi! Now my son is jaded! He’s lost his will to live. He just crawls around the house drooling on stuff. He doesn’t want to eat anything except breast milk. He has trouble sleeping at night….he’s just not himself anymore.
Wait…that’s exactly what he was like before. BUT now my child will never go to college. Because if you won’t pay for my son’s college tuition after he so nicely asked you to, then just to spite you I won’t pay for it either. You know what I’m going to do instead? When he graduates from high school, I’m going to send him to 4 years of Space Camp. Yeah, that’s right. Makes no sense! Take THAT Pepsi! You want extreme! I’ll show you extreme! Extremely odd!
Well Pepsi, even with how upset Chandler and I are right now, we are willing to keep our offer open to you. Whenever you’re ready to accept your fate, give us a holla’. You know how to reach us.
