The right to bear arm pillows
For the first 5 months or so Ashley was on night duty while I slumbered peacefully almost completely unaware of the nightly commotion. Don’t get me wrong, I would always offer to take a night shift, but Chandler only wakes up at night in order to feed and I don’t really have the proper glands for that assignment. Plus it turns out that the super power I was born with is the uncanny ability to sleep through the sound of a screeching banshee baby. That will really come in handy when my super villain nemesis tries to keep me awake using robo-babies the night before our final duel to the death.
But with Chandler only needing to be fed twice a night now, I can start pulling my weight around here. So we have moved Chandler out of our bedroom and he is now sleeping in his crib in his own room. In a feeble attempt to make up for Ashley’s 5 months of lost sleep I am on night watch. I sleep in Chandler’s room and take care of him throughout the night while Ashley sleeps. I could sleep in our room and use the baby monitor, but then Ashley wouldn’t get any rest because she does not have the same super power as I do. Also, while Ashley is getting more sleep than normal, she still has to wake up twice a night to feed him.
Ashley has definitely been enjoying the extra sleep she is getting but that luxury doesn’t come without a price. She is now forced to sleep in our giant bed all by herself. She has to fall asleep without the warm embrace of her man. Er…guy….well…29 year old boy. Either way, she’s started to complain about not having me there. We were wondering how we could solve this problem when my wife came across a…scary possibility.
It’s called the “Hug Me Pillow” and it is maybe the most horrific thing I have ever seen. When my wife showed it to me I said “Why?!” over and over for the next hour or so. I can’t believe this exists! This next picture makes it look even worse.
Look at how she is using the hand to grope herself! Although I have to admit I have often wished I could detach my arm like this so I can sleep comfortably while still getting points for cuddling. Still, when faced with the reality of this plush prosthetic arm, I just don’t think I could allow this thing to be in my house.
What do you think about this product?
