My dad is drinking my college fund
Dear PepsiCo, Inc,
I am writing to you today to plead my case. Ever since I was born I have noticed that my father is almost always holding a glass, bottle, or can of a mysterious green beverage. I have since learned this mystery drink is your product, Mt. Dew.
My dad is constantly drinking Mt. Dew. All those cans of Dew have got to add up. I haven’t been keeping track since I was born, but I started a few days ago and I have to say his results are impressive. I am 5 months old, and from here on out I am going to track each and every Mt. Dew my dad drinks and keep a running tally of how much he spends. You can follow along on my twitter feed @mtdewtracker or see it right here on the side of my dad’s stupid blog.
So here’s my proposal. My dad has obviously been drinking this much Mt. Dew all his life. He’s a great customer for you. And your whole theme is about being “extreme!” and if any parent exhibits “Extreme Parenting” it’s my father. I’ve got the bumps to prove it. My dad would be a perfect spokesperson for Mt. Dew.
If you give my dad a lifetime supply of Mt. Dew, the money he saves by the time I’m 18 could easily put me through college. Please, I’m begging you. Don’t let my father drink my education away.
Thank you.
Chandler Smith
