Chandler 2.0 (beta)

Ladies and Gentleman, I’m very pleased to announce something I know you have all been waiting for. Say hello to Chandler 2.0. That’s right. We have made some significant upgrades to Chandler that I think you are going to really enjoy. And after I demonstrate some of these new features, I promise you are going to want to get your hands on a Chandler today.

You might be wondering what have we done to this version of Chandler to make it jump up to 2.0. I have one simple word to answer that question.

Mobility.

That’s right. We have given Chandler the ability to move around the room on his own. We’ll demonstrate this in a moment. Some other enhancements include better grabbing, fewer meltdowns, and he can stay awake without needing to go into sleep mode 4 times longer than before.

So how did we do it? With our patented C.R.A.W.L. technology. C.R.A.W.L. stands for Clumsy Rug Ambling With Legs. Now let’s take a look at Chandler 2.0 in action.



Now, Chandler 2.0 is still in beta and we acknowledge that there are still some serious bugs in the system. He doesn’t crawl very fast or very far. And while I said Chandler 2.0 has fewer meltdowns, crawling too much can cause him to crash.

You can be assured that the Chandler development team is working around the clock to make all of these features stable. And we are already working on Chandler 3.0. I don’t want to give it away, but 3.0 will have some very exciting features like standing, consuming solid foods, and quite possibly the next level in mobility.

Thank you for your time. I hope you will all go out and get a Chandler today. Remember there are limited quantities so act fast.

Good day.

-Smith Corp.