Chandler: De-censored.

This installment of “Father Knows Best?” is going to answer two questions at once. Whoa! Combo deal!

Both questions have a similar theme to them. The first one comes from David Vienna, author of the very funny blog, The DaddyComplex, about being the father of twin boys.

What will be your kid’s first horror movie? And will he watch it with you or watch it on the sly, even though you told him not to, the whippersnapper?

The second question was submitted anonymously. Ooohh! Anonymity!

How much T.V are you going to let Chandler watch when he gets a few years older? What is your philosophy on t.v and time spent watching it.

These are two great questions. To start off, I have personally never been a fan of horror movies. It’s just not a genre that I enjoy. So if Chandler ends up watching a horror movie, there’s a very good chance that it won’t be with me.

But this question touches on the larger question of how will I choose to censor Chandler’s media in-take? The other day Ashley and I were at the mall and as we strolled through the chaos we couldn’t help but notice that 90% of the windows were plastered with posters of cleavage laden ladies. Why does a candle store need to show cleavage? We’ve decided Chandler can just shop online.

But what about movies and TV? Being a comedian, I have a penchant for “freedom of speech.” At the same time, being a father I have a penchant for “not screwing my kid up and raising him to be a total embarrassment.” So where will I draw the line?

A lot of people seem to think that too much TV will rot your child’s brain. The theory is that television will destroy your creative thinking skills and a child who sits in front of the boob tube all day will never fully develop mentally. I don’t put a lot of stock in this theory. I personally was glued to the TV as a kid. I loved it and I watched it any chance I got.

In fact, my parents tell me that on Saturday mornings I would wake up before it was light out and go downstairs to watch Saturday morning cartoons. But this is back before there was programming 24 hours a day. So I’d turn on the TV and there’d just be the color bars and a loud “boooooooooooop.” I would sit there and wait for TV to start. Suddenly the national anthem would play and that meant it was time for the shows to begin. My parents say they would hear me cheer when that happened.

But look at me now. I didn’t turn out so bad. And if there is one part of my brain that developed well, it was the creative side. You know who else watched TV all day long but then turned out to be a creative dynamo? Robin Williams.

So I don’t buy into this belief that TV is bad for you. What I do believe is that too much of any one thing is unhealthy. Life is all about balance. While I watched a lot of television as a kid, I played even more sports. And because I played so many sports my parents forced me to join the band at school. They believed in raising a well rounded kid, and I agree.

Luckily my child is growing up in the age of Wii Fit, where he can have a well balanced life all from the comfort of his living room. I’ll start him off young by potty training him using WiiWee. When he’s old enough he’ll start playing Wii Sports. I guess at first he’ll begin by playing in a PiiWii Baseball league. For music he’ll learn the classics while playing Rock Band. And someday when he’s ready to get his license he’ll learn to drive from Mario Kart.

So you see, Chandler will have a well balanced childhood and someday will grow up to be as fully developed as his father. Uh…maybe I should come up with another plan.