How to get your daughter onto the LPGA Tour

This installment of “Father Knows Best?” is inspired by a question from Criminalminima (check out his awesome photography website!).

What are some things a father should be doing to steer his 2 year old daughter to a career in the LPGA?

Well sir, you pose an interesting question. I myself have a son who is only 4 months old. That is sort of like a 2 year old daughter. And I have an uncle who is a PGA pro golfer. Those two criteria pretty much make me an expert on this subject. Here are…

5 things you need to do to get your 2 year old daughter into the LPGA

5. Hand/eye coordination: I’ve been working on Chandler’s coordination by throwing things at him. I started off with soft plush toys, but now we’ve moved up to knives. I’m sorry to say he’s really not getting it yet.

4. Etiquette: Golf is a sport for gentlemen and ladies. Teach your daughter to be prim and proper. On a scale of Judy Dench to Britney Spears, you want your daughter to aim for Jessica Alba.

3. Mental Strength: Golf is a mental game. Some would say it is a game for mental people. Nevertheless a strong mind is very important. Start training your 2 year old now by playing mind games with her. Maybe for a week have an actress pretend to be her mom. Convince her that this new lady is the same lady she’s been calling her mom all her life. Then when she finally believes you, switch back.

2. Skirts: Lady Golf is about short skirts. Buy your 2 year old a skirt that fits her modestly now, and by the time she is old enough for the LPGA that same skirt will be the perfect size.

1. Equipment: You’ve got two choices. You can start putting money away for a college fund, or start putting money away for a proper set of golf clubs.

I hope this helps.