Improvising and Fatherhood

In my first 100 days in office as a father I’d like to think I’m doing a great job. In reality my wife is doing all the work and I’m just the wingman making jokes as we go along. I’m like the Andy Richter to Ashley’s Conan O’Brien. I’ve learned a lot of things about being a father in the last 100 days. What has stood out the most to me is how much improv and parenting have in common.

For those of you who don’t know I am an improvisational comedian. I perform mostly at the Curious Comedy Theater (little shameless plug there). Comedy is the love of my life and improv is my favorite way to express it. In improv it is crucial that you know how to read your audience. If you go down a path that the audience just doesn’t like you have to be ready to change directions and find a new path. If the audience is low energy and isn’t responding to slow patient scenes you have to pick up the pace and do some high energy scenes. If they aren’t laughing at the intelligent humor you start making fart jokes.

As a father of a newborn child it is also imperative that you can read your audience which in this case is your baby. As I said before, my wife does all the hard work. She takes care of Chandler all day long while I work. She feeds him all day and all night long. So when I get home from work and take him off her hands for a while my main role is just to keep him happy and entertained so she can take a break (and make my dinner…am I right guys?). Entertaining a baby is a little different than entertaining an adult audience (fart jokes still work), but the basics are still the same. You have to figure out what works and milk it until it doesn’t work anymore. Then you find something else they like.

I have developed some classic go to moves like a game call “cliffhanger” where he hangs from my knees by his arms and I yell “Hang on! Don’t fall!” over and over. There’s also “ninja fight” where I make him punch me in the face and make all sorts of sound effects. And there’s a new favorite which is me simply going “Oooh Ga! Oooh Ga!” over and over. At least one of these works at any given point. But you never know which one it will be. And sometimes none of them will work.

It’s when none of them works that the real challenge begins. Then it’s like an easter egg hunt to find what will make Chandler happy. Do you want to be on your back? Your tummy? Do you want to stand? How about playing in your Johnny Jump Up? Do you need to be changed? Or do you just want to be carried around the house for an hour?

This is where my improv skills really come in handy. Most of the tactics I use to entertain Chandler can’t be found in any of the books my wife has been reading. In fact a lot of them are really counter-intuitive. There have been countless times I have started doing something, like running around the room with Chandler over my head, that my wife has said, “That’s not going to work.” And then what do know? He loves it. If you were to think about it you’d never guess he’d like it. But that’s the secret of improv. I don’t think! That’s how I try to live my life. I never think.

Ashley takes a different approach to parenting and life in general. Actually, she takes the almost complete opposite approach. If my style is improv comedy then my wife’s style is scripted comedy, like a really good Seinfeld episode. Everything she does is planned and coordinated. She studies books and reads forums and keeps a log of Chandler’s activities. Because she is so good at it, her script almost always works. She masterminds the entire day so that Chandler is sleeping when she needs to be doing chores or errands, and so that he is awake and happy when visitors come over. And she really knows what will work, so Chandler is almost always receptive to her “written material.”

But the problem with performing scripted comedy to a live audience is if it doesn’t work you’re stuck. So when Chandler doesn’t want to sleep at the pre-determined time the whole script gets screwed up. Then you have to keep going with your material and hope that eventually the audience gets back on board with it.

In contrast, the improv style has more flexibility but can be really hit and miss. And while I might be able to keep Chandler happy in the moment, it can be really hard to plan the rest of your life around this show. Then we have to get into the car and Chandler isn’t ready for that and he’s wide awake and super unhappy about being in a car seat.

So I guess the point is a good mix of scripted and improvised parenting is needed. Ashley writes the script and I flip the script. Or something like that. I dunno, I’m just making this up as I go.