An Open Letter to my Baby

Dear Baby, Your mother and I would like to have a talk with you. We’ve been discussing it and we think it is time for you to move out…of the womb. It’s not that we don’t love you. We do. We just think it’s time for you to grow up. You’re wasting all your time in there. We never see you. You’ve become such a loner. Would it kill you to hang out with your parents a little bit? I know we might not be as hip as you youngsters, but we’re still a lot of fun. I don’t even know what it is you fetuses do these days. But I just want to connect with you. Is that so horrible?

Look baby, your mother is worried about you. She thinks you might into something bad like drugs or sex trafficking. You’re not doing that are you baby? Because if you are so help me I will come in there and get you! Don’t make me come in there baby!

I’m sorry I just lost my cool there. We just care about you so much. And, if you’ll just come out and see us, we promise you’ll have a good time. So, please…do the right thing. 

DON’T MAKE ME COME IN THERE!!!!!

Love,

Your Father