This is my future. This is the kind of thing that I have to look forward to. And this is the sort of thing I am excited about. Helping my child discover the ways of the world. Being a coach, a teacher, and a mentor. Both of my parents are great sports coaches. My sister is also an amazing sports coach. I had never thought of myself as a coach until I started working in a retail store and eventually got to the point where I train the rest of the team. I didn’t even realize it was something I love to do, but I found myself enjoying that aspect of the job more than anything else. I take great joy in helping someone progress and improve their skills.

And now I will have my own little person to coach. I’ll get to show him/her how I do things, and watch as he/she learns to do them his/her own way. It’s kind of like having a real life giga pet! Except…slightly more complicated. And when giga pets pooped, it was digital. My baby will be pooping in analog. Ana-LOG. I think my first goal as a coach to my child will be to potty train my baby in record time. I’m talking weeks. I really think I can do it. I mean, of course I’ll have to help. But like, we could work out a signal for when the baby has to use the bathroom and then I will hold baby over the toilet. That could work. Right?