I haven’t seen my wife and kids all week and am supposed to join them today, but I just got word that the Internet is slow at the beach house they are staying at. I’m weighing my options.
havekidslaughmore replied to your photoset: Wii little gamer I cant recall a recent picture when Chandler didnt have a sword down the back of his shirt, and thats pretty awesome. We would have to hire a professional wildlife photographer to catch him without his swords in his shirt.
Ashley: Do you have to go potty?
Chandler: No, I'm just playing a game with my penis.
Chandler: My penis won.
Johnny & Jason is one of Chandler’s favorite rock bands. They perform kids shows here in Portland, OR, and put on a great show. We even got them to perform at Chandler’s 3rd birthday. They are coming out with a new album and I can’t wait to get it. They have a kickstarter campaign to help them fund it. Check it out and give them a buck or two! Also, those puppets are...
The games you play with your kids don’t have to make sense. Just listen and respond. And use funny voices.
My son is a genius
(getting home from a birthday party)
Chandler: But how come there wasn't cake?
Me: Well, they had cupcakes instead.
Chandler: But cupcakes are not cake! Cupcakes are dessert you have after cake!
When we put our kids in time out we really wish we were putting ourselves in time out.
Wife: (doing dishes I neglected to do earlier)
Me: Honey! You don't have to do that.
Wife: Well, I don't want you to have to face them in the morning.
Me: Oh...honey...I wasn't going to face them in the morning.
Parker’s abilities on the stairs are like my abilities on the dance floor. He can get up, but he can’t really get down.
Mothers' Day Post
I have multiple mothers to appreciate today, so I changed it from the possessive Mother’s Day to the plural possessive Mothers’ Day. Not sure that grammatically makes sense, but I’m going with it. Let’s start with the mother of my house, my wife, Ashley. First of all, without her this blog would not have happened. It was her idea for me to start this. Also…she gave...
Today I Keyser Soze'd my son
Mom: (Places part of a banana on Chandler's plate to eat with his breakfast)
Chandler: No thank you. (Picks it up to hand back to her)
Mom: Okay, well leave it on your plate and if you are still hungry after your muffin you can eat that.
Chandler: No thanks. (Tries to hand it to me)
Me: Why don't you want it on your plate? Use your words to explain it to me.
Chandler: Because it will touch my muffin and get banana on it.
Me: Why don't you eat it and put it in your tummy so it's not in the way.
Chandler: Oh, good idea. (Eats banana)
Me: (doing everything in my power not to laugh)
I just stepped out of my office to take an important call from home to help my wife decipher what word my son was trying to say when describing a scene from an episode of Ninja Turtles. I got it all sorted out. Now back to work.
The Dog's Name is Sawyer
Tonight while driving to Grandma’s house we saw a man on the side of the road with a sign saying, “Got Laid Off. Anything will help.” Chandler asked about him and the sign, and I explained the man’s situation and the idea of begging. Chandler gazed off into the distance listening very intently the whole time, and when I was done he turned to me and said, “Sawyer...
Me: (sniffs) Did Parker poop?
Ashley: (checks Parker's diaper) Nope.
Me: (worried) Did I poop?
mammalingo: Insure.com put out a press release for Mother’s Day where they calculated an imaginary salary for mom. Spoiler Alert: it’s a little less than $60,000 a year. (They also came up with one for dads and it’s so little I can’t even say it out loud but I wrote about it too.) I decided to LEAN IN. I asked Insure.com for a BIG FAT RAISE for mom (and dad as well). I wrote about it for the...
Good Lies and Bad Lies
The other day we found out that Chandler had hidden a pair of pajamas that we had been looking for. When we asked him about it he said, “I was teasing you!” So we explained to him how what he was doing was really lying and that there is good teasing and bad teasing. Then he asked us, “Is there good lying and bad lying?” We were both taken aback by that question. For the...
Did you write that joke I made?– Chandler is starting to take interest in my blog
I want some cheese in my mouth– My three-year-old deciding his taco didn’t have enough cheese
Stopping and Starting
Hey everyone! Chandler has a new trick! He showed it to me the other night. He was sitting on the toilet (it feels so good to call it that instead of “potty”) and suddenly called me over for something I assumed was urgent. “I’m peeing! Now I’m not peeing.” “Okay, you’re don-“ “I’m peeing again! Now I’m not peeing!” ...
Anonymous asked: SO CRUEL! Parker already works in the family business, yet you still haven't added him in the 'about us' section of your blog!!! Have a heart, man. Especially when he is providing so much quality content...
My 3-year-old: (whispering) I like breathing.
Grandma: What's your schedule today, buddy?
Chandler is starting to make nerdier comic book references than me. Today he said we had to get into our Quinjet and chase the bad guys.
Chandler: Is there a switch for the air conditioning?
Me: Yeah, do you want to see it?
Me: Here it is.
Chandler: Can I switch it?
Me: No, you aren't allowed to touch this without Mommy's permission.
Chandler: Can you switch it?
Me: Not without Mommy's permission.
Expanding the Envelope: A Method for Beating Anger... →
babybirdistheword: improvisingfatherhood: bestnatesmithever: I love this article by Leo Babauta. Anger used to be a big part of my personality and lessons like this have really helped me. “If you use a phrase like, “Seriously?!” or “WTF?!” or “Really?!” then that’s a sign you need to change your outlook.” I think as parents, this message can help us a lot. I like this. But how do you...
It’s always a victory when my children recognize my singing as music.
Expanding the Envelope: A Method for Beating Anger... →
bestnatesmithever: I love this article by Leo Babauta. Anger used to be a big part of my personality and lessons like this have really helped me. “If you use a phrase like, “Seriously?!” or “WTF?!” or “Really?!” then that’s a sign you need to change your outlook.” I think as parents, this message can help us a lot.
kittenspork asked: I love your blog :) it's like drugs for a drug addict. I cry when I see it because I love it, but can never have children so it makes me sad. But it still cracks me up XD
Dad, would that be funny if instead of jelly beans it was peanut butter beans?
Carrying ninja swords and a Captain America shield while dancing to The Little Mermaid. Gender roles be damned.
Chandler has learned the word “selfish” but doesn’t quite get the concept. He thinks anytime you do something that he doesn’t like, you are being selfish. He just told Ashley, “Daddy is selfish because he is not coming home from work yet.” I wish I could be home buddy.
Spider-Man…Spider-Man…doing the things a spider can!
Things that go bump in the night
A nice side effect of my son’s enthusiasm for jumping off pretty much any surface he can find, is that every single time he gets off his bed, he jumps. Chandler couldn’t sneak out of bed if he wanted to, because he will without fail, every single time, take the biggest flying leap out of his bed that he can muster. The result is that downstairs we hear a ceiling-fan rattling boom that...