- Me: (laughing about something inappropriate)
- 4yo: Dad what are you laughing about?
- Me: It's really hard to explain.
- 4yo: Can you please just explain it to me?
— (via e-mprov)
Last night I mentioned the word “work” and my 2yo said, “Daddy no work. Stay home. Play me all day.” So if you’re wondering why I sit in my cubicle crying all day, that’s why.
My 4yo just closed a squeaky door and then said, “That door was whining because it didn’t want to be closed.”
Chandler heard the word “spanking” and asked what it meant. I explained what getting spanked was and said that some Mommies and Daddies use that as a way to teach their kids a lesson but that I would never do that.
Then jokingly Chandler said, “I’m going to spank you.”
"You can’t, I’m on my back. My bottom is on the bed."
"I’m going to spank your front."
He then slapped my crotch. I’m still crying.
earthsunchildren said: You are hilarious! Your whole family is! :)
I was playing Ninja Turtles with my boys and pretending to be Leatherhead (a character who is sometimes a good guy and sometimes a bad guy). I had grabbed Chandler and he couldn’t get free.
Chandler: Oh no! He’s going to turn me into Turtle soup!
Me: (In monster voice) I don’t know the recipe for Turtle soup, but I will eat you.
Chandler: (while struggling to get free) Eggs! Turtles and eggs!
- 4yo: But I want to take a bath tonight!
- Me: Sorry buddy. It's not a bath night. I wish I could make it a bath night for you but I don't have that kind of power. I'm just a cog in the machine.
- 4yo: Dad why do you keep typing 55378008 on my calculator?
- Me: Oh no reason.