— My 5yo who can barely ride his bike with training wheels
- Me: Chandler, didn't Mommy make an awesome meal?
- 5yo: Yeah.
- Me: I can only make one thing. Jokes.
- 2yo: You make babies.
- Me: Okay I can make two things.
Do you ever wonder what your second child would be like if it was an only child?
My kids and I need to agree on a “serious” word. It’s like a safe word, but for when I need my kids to know I’m that I’m not kidding and they need to listen to me.
You see, I spend a lot of time joking with my boys, and saying things like, “You better not do that!” with a goofy look on my face. And nothing makes them laugh more than doing exactly what I just told them to do.
This has actually become my best technique for getting them to eat vegetables at dinner. “Parker, PLEASE don’t eat those carrots! NO! DON’T!” And then he giggles with glee as he gulps them down.
But, we now have the problem that when I’m seriously trying to tell them not to do something, they don’t recognize the difference between the game and reality. So now I have to preface my serious statements with “This is serious -“
"This is serious - STOP HITTING DADDY IN THE CROTCH"
- 5yo: That's cool. My tissue floats on the toilet water.
- Me: Why do you think that is?
- 5yo: Maybe because it is so light.
- Me: That's right! Things that are lighter than water float and things that are heavier than water sink.
- 5yo: Poop is heavier than water.
— Something I had to say to the boys tonight
Anonymous said: What time will the show be if I live in Victoria, Australia? :)
The Improvising Fatherhood E-MPROV show starts at 9pm PST on Sunday Sept 7 which is 2pm on Monday Sept 8 in Victoria, Australia. I hope you can watch!
Whenever we play make believe I try to steer Chandler away from tragic outcomes. This is a conversation we had while playing Ninja Turtles. (My character was a giant worm from Dimension X)
Chandler: Oh no! Your whole family was killed by Shredder!
Me: Actually, they’re just playing dead like a possum!
Chandler: Nope. See they’re not waking up.
Me: Yeah, it usually takes about 4 hours for them to wake up. If it lasts longer than 4 hours call your doctor (I made this joke even though no adults were around to hear it).
Chandler: Actually it is night time now and they are still (trying not to use the word “dead”) not awake.
Me: Oh! I just realized they used their fake versions of themselves to trick Shredder and they are really hiding.
Chandler: No. They’re…(slightly quieter) dead.