More penis humor…

So last night as I was putting Parker, our 1-year-old, to bed, I needed to go to the bathroom. So I had him come with me. Along the way he picked up a toy pair of binoculars. As I was peeing, he looks at me through the binoculars and says, “Dada penis.”

I was pretty insulted that he felt the need to use binoculars.

  • 4yo: Ow! I hurt the back of my penis!
  • Me: Huh?
  • 4yo: I'm talking about my bottom.
Coolest toy in the toy box? Segway Cop.

Coolest toy in the toy box? Segway Cop.

"Tears are just bad attitude being flushed."

4yo: Dad let’s have a race!
Me: Oh, can’t we play a Twitter hashtag game instead?

Got some sweet tattoos today. NBD

bestnatesmithever:

HEY EVERYBODY! I’m working on a NEW project that I am really excited about. You might have seen some videos of me performing E-MPROV shows recently.

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Well I am officially on the E-MPROV staff now.

Naturally my role is to kick the e-mprov Tumblr into high gear. I could really use your help. PLEASE follow this new Tumblr I have started.

What’s E-MPROV? It’s live improv shows performed by amazing comedians ON THE INTERNET. The site was founded by Terry Withers at ucbcomedy and now has the incredible Amey Goerlich as the artistic director. So now you can watch high caliber live improv comedy in your jammies.

Here’s the deal: EVERYONE that follows e-mprov today, I will follow you back and reblog at least 1 of your posts. If there is a specific post you want reblogged, submit it to me HERE and I will reblog it (as long as it doesn’t break some moral code or something).

I would really appreciate your support on this. This is a project I really believe in and think could become something big and amazing. But I need your help. THANKS!

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"I got to have a fun and tearful conversation with Chandler the other day about why he wouldn’t be able to see the new TMNT movie when it comes out. The real reason is because it is a Michael Bay production, but I kept telling him it was because he was too young."

Fun at the beach

Tonight the topic of bad words came up.
"Do you know any bad words, Chandler?
"Yeah, I’ll whisper one to you. (whispers) Heck."
"Oh yeah. Good one. Do you know any really bad words?"
"Yeah. (whispers) Stupid."

Tonight the topic of bad words came up.

"Do you know any bad words, Chandler?

"Yeah, I’ll whisper one to you. (whispers) Heck."

"Oh yeah. Good one. Do you know any really bad words?"

"Yeah. (whispers) Stupid."

improvisingfatherhood:

Sometimes your kids don’t like it when you mess with their toys.

My wife is on a rampage!

Sometimes your kids don’t like it when you mess with their toys.

Don't bring your weak TMNT trivia questions to my kids

  • Friend: (quizzing my 4yo) Which Ninja Turtle wears blue?
  • 4yo: (quickly rattles off the colors and weapons of all four Ninja Turtles)
  • Me: Yeah, but that's a question your 1-year-old brother could answer. Here's a 4-year-old Ninja Turtle question: What is Shredder's real name?
  • 4yo: Oroku Saki?
  • Friend: Is that right?
  • Me: Of course

Tags: TMNT